Labor Vincit Omnia Improvus
“Work Conquers All”
First day back on the crew, strange homecoming, swapped stories, sort of glossed over things but all in all back to business as usual. More or less putting my head back down and grind cause I can’t escape it, it’s my lot currently and I’ve a responsibility as a foreman to my crew, my company, and my union. Only it’s just a stepping stone for me, an enabler, a placeholder while I plot other things for myself. Plan is to keep doing what I need to do during the day, keep writing and creating at night, all while trying to take care of myself, my health, my daughter, my pup, and try and remember not to take it all so seriously either, try and have fun with it from time to time, think that gets away from me too. You have to keep a sense of humor through it all or it becomes this fire that consumes you.
Aside from just trying to adjust to the time zone again, first day I got up way too early and was lethargic as all hell by evening, after a first day back at work I’m remembering all the things that I deal with in my day to day here that keeps me away from the things I really want to achieve; getting up early, running a crew, working with my hands, etc., that alone gets mentally and physically exhausting. By the time I get home, try and spend time with my daughter not distracted by other things, jog with my dog, work out, make a meal, whatever else, I’m just flat out too fucking tired to do anything “creative.” Always that “i’ll do it tomorrow” or “in the morning, I’ll get up early” but most times that never happens, I mean rest is also important too, and as it is I’m lucky to get a few hours sleep due to my insomnia, it’s hard to make time for much else.
So what am I saying here? What am I complaining, no, bitching about? Yeah its fucking hard, yeah that’s been the way of it and for far too long, but that’s just what it is (btw, I cannot stand the saying “it is what it is”…oh fucking is it???”). You can look back to a number of artists and creatives that had to struggle in the same way, Tesla worked for Edison as a laborer, Einstein worked in a patent office, Bukowski worked for the post office, Kafka was a clerk, and me, I’m an electrician. Trick is is to keep writing, keep creating, little by little everyday, it won’t be done all at once, but over time just keep hacking away to make a clearing for myself, it becomes the sum of all efforts, and through these small gains become the body of work. Of course it’s difficult, why wouldn’t it be, just keep doing it.
I’d realized now more than ever that I do need to get past this stage of my life, the sooner the better, so that I can completely focus on the things I want to do, the things I need to do, and start living the life that I ought to live, I can’t be a wage slaving struggling frustrated “artist” all my life, that’s not my identity and it won’t be, I just need to remember to take this gift that I’ve been given, this unique opportunity, my insight and perspective, and put it to use, take it from the abstract realm of thought and idea and make it applicable and practical in my life. I’ll get there, through many aches and pains and heartaches and sleepless night, but I’ll get there.
